from Finnegans Wake
from Finnegans Wake
Everything that hides beneath surface during the day haunts the somnambular mind at the irregular hour of 5:13 . All the smiles that the mind believed to be true fall in on themselves and converge into a pool of tears. The tears wreck you. They wreck you because they can. You start to question the very essence of your own sanity because you’ve been here before. Why the hell have you been here before?
I find that I hardly have the time to reflect on things anymore. Yesterday I was with Kevin at Din Tai Fung and I realized something about myself. I love music, that is something that I absolutely cannot deny, but what is fascinating to me is that I don’t think I set out to pursue it as a career due to my love of it. I stuck my head out and dived straight in because I believed that I somewhat had a flair for it, and that meant it was a perfect avenue for me to achieve success in and be the best. I did not realize until yesterday that my intention all along was to feel fulfillment and achieve ultimate success in a particular field. Iv found, now that I have separated myself from music for a period of time, that I’m not like Jasmine Choi or the rest of those musicians. I tried to emulate their passion and their aptitude for music but the truth about me is something I never realized. I am good at music and I do have an innate attachment to it. However the difference is, I dont think Im meant to pursue it to the very depths of its endless possibilities. Or at least I dont think that that is what I should be doing presently. I took a bold step,personally, by giving up my spot at Depaul, and sometimes I wonder if I’ve mde a crippling mistake. But then again I could have made the smartest decision Iv ever made in my entire life. I realized that I have a passion for success, whatever, wherever that may lead me. Even as I relentlessly pursued music, and forced myself to be good at it there was always that voice inside me that said, ‘why is this so difficult?’, ‘why do I not passionately love the instrument that I have chosen?’. In hindsight I think of performing and each time it was a tole on my selfesteem as well as my mental strength. I do understand that challenges force people to adapt to adversities and as a result become a more resilient but I feel for me it became exhausting instead of exhilarating. Im taking a different step towards my future now. Im not exactly sure where Im taking myself at this current day and time but I have faith that whatever happens will happen for a reason. I’ve always had a belief in faith and the unknown. Im waiting to look down and find that my feet have found solid ground. Im not exactly sure when that will be and where I will find myself when it does eventually happen. But I wait with an expectant heart and unwavering determination. I wonder what I’ll think of this post a couple months or even a few weeks from now. Maybe I’ll even have a reply to this huge question mark that’s drifting and guiding me along this journey.
I wonder if 2014 will end up making any more sense
I do this several times a day
i feel like this has a different meaning when the colors are reversed
The girl in white is admitting to herself that she has inner demons.. The girl in black is freeing herself of those demons.
my favorite gif ever.
I was not expecting that.
(Source: , via the-fault-in-our-tragedies)